How awesome is Your love,
that when I was tired,
Your word came telling me about rest.

"For we who have believed do enter that rest…"
- Hebrews 4:3

I have not been sleeping in early or having proper rest,
perhaps heading to bed at about 3 or 4 in the morning which is so unearthly.
God tells me mental rest and physical rest is really important,
and without it one can never be at rest.

So today I slept and woke up at 4plus in the afternoon.
I woke up looking at the time and I shouted "woah!" in my room.
Lol.
Such blessed rest it was.
And now my stomach grumbles because honestly I did not eat much during the BBQ last night.
It has always been like that for every BBQ that I wouldn't have much appetite to eat.
Didn't even try the chicken wings me and Cheryl marinated lol.
I wonder how it tasted...hmm..==,


Yesterday's caregroup session was about moving on.
I was sitting beside Elly and I guessed I was already starting to feel super restless,
and I kept looking over to RP's side.
Every graduate had their chances to tell the rest in the CG how they felt and what they learned throughout their journey in the caregroup.

So many beloved dears are moving on..
Just when I needed more time spent with them and get to know them more.
Or Just when I got to know them a bit more especially in camp.
My heart always ached every time anyone just talk about the topic of leaving or anything related to them.
Even if the person doesn't know me much, I can be at rest each time when I see him/her around during or after Arrow or Sunday services.
It's just like God's presence around me; the presence they can have in me that I can feel so at rest and happy with them around.

Each time someone said her piece of mind during the session, I can't help but kept wanting to cry and let out, but I was so conscious of how people would look and think of me so I controlled my tears.
I always have this habit of controlling my tears in front of people, thinking how strong I must be and not let my inner weaker side take charge.
After which I'd go to places where nobody could see me to cry and let out.

But yesterday night was different.
Still, there are times where I could sit alone and think much.
But the time where I took my camera with me and sat by the stairs myself,
2 spotted me.
I really wanted to capture the brilliant night skies with the stars that night,
but too I couldn't control my weak self letting in.

They told me many things that God led them to,
and indeed I felt better.
but when I was on the way back the insecurity set in again.
I wanted assurance from someone else.
Like a mother that is singing her child to sleep.
I wanted her to specifically to tell me how good it would be and how in good hands it would be for me to be left in there while she moved on.
Although the official date wasn't yesterday,
I felt the date is so so near,
nearer than expected.

such insecurity.
:/

poofs.



"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;"
- 1 Corinthians 1:27

Almighty is the Lord.
I should stop worrying of how people see me because no matter what God still loves me as I am.
Not by my own-effort but by His grace unto me.
In Him I shall dwell.

Labels: daily, thoughts