Daddy God,
I'm one today.
And I realised it while I was bathing just now.
A year has passed, and what an eventful year!
Aren't you happy that your beloved child has turned one today?
=)


The Sunday service..
During praise and worship,
I seemed to have let out all my many weeks' worth of suppressed emotional pressure.
Just couldn't stop letting my tears flow out..
I felt You touching my small little heart and just stroking it,
like stroking a little girl while she was sad or crying.
I could remember my hands shaking and was trying to control my tears,
but it just flowed and flowed.
Only Daddy God knows why I'm being this way.
At that point of time, I felt so deprived of a hug.
A hug that could make me cry even harder, and hit me deeper into my soul..
I just needed this hug at that point of time.
My head was so heavy, the burden so huge,
there wasn't anybody I could talk much to about it.
Those that I used to be able to find them and rely on for things, they aren't there anymore.
And they just seemed to be so occupied, I don't wanna add on to their burden of thoughts..
I could say that most of the time, loneliness crept in in the end.
Whatever happened to kingdom friends that I could really put my heart on to them?

Every time I tried to comfort myself that, don't worry, Daddy God is here with me, I am good on my own, I don't need anyone to try and entertain me, each of them have their company, I don't need one, You alone are good. I guess I was just trying to comfort myself by thinking more positively.. All along I knew I ain't thinking right, I didn't centralise Jesus in my life. I know that what is by my own works cannot achieve much. But perhaps I was too tired to think of such things. And what could I do much for just a toddler believer.

but all in all,
the pressure let out during praise and worship was really good hallelujah.
If not, I would have suppressed it even further and finally,
explode in the end.

Changes, changes, changes.
Ugh.



those happy bonding moments that happened 4 months ago,
were they just moments of folly?

Labels: daily, emotions., thoughts